qaffangyrl (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} qaffangyrl) wrote,@ 2007-09-28 23:54:00 |
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FIC: Masterpiece
It's a short angsty piece set from Brian's POV. Enjoy
TITLE: Masterpiece
AUTHOR: ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
qaffangyrl
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: A short piece going over Brian's reflections on the events of Season 5. Spoilers through 513.
You offer him the job without even thinking about it. After all, Kinnetik could always use another genius on staff and you certainly wouldn't mind the convenience factor. Who knows what fun you could have with him in the executive washroom, or the supply closet or behind your desk? Still, you're relieved when he turns you down because you know it'd be criminal of you to let him waste his talent by making mockup ads for potato chips and toilet paper. And when he says that it's time he made his own way in the world you know he's right so you tell yourself that the thought of it doesn't scare the hell out of you.
*
He gives you an idea to helpBabylon
*
You know it for sure when, for the first time ever, you get rejected by some cocky young stud. Make a game of it, you think, you've always been a winner but the victory is hollow and you feel your youth slipping through your fingers.
*
You don't realize just how serious he is till he brings his bags to the door. You think he'll ask you to tell him to stay but he surprises by just giving you a hug. He's done asking for things that you aren't willing to give. So you let him go because, after all, this has never been about putting locks on your door.
*
This wouldn't have ever happened, you think, if his head hadn't been filled with fairy tales of gardens, and babies, and suburbs, and vows. So, you do what comes naturally. You fuel yourself with Jim Beam and head out to the world of the stepford fags to blame Michael for turning him against you, for infecting him. But Michael tells you what you already know, this is nobody's fault but your own. And now you've lost them both.
*
You're drunk and even a little stoned maybe when you arrive at his exhibition. He looks smug and self-satisfied. You notice how well constructed the walls he's built are and you wish that he hadn't learned that lesson from you. You tell him it shouldn't matter what you think but the fact that he asks makes you wonder, just for a split second, if you still have a chance. This isn't the time though so you decide to test the waters by repairing the bridge you burned with Michael. You find out too quickly that some things are beyond repair; that is, unless, the world is coming to an end. And then it is.
*
You tell the driver to turn the car around and it's the first time since that horrible night in the parking garage that you let yourself talk to God. "Please don't let anything happen to him." You ask, you demand. When you find him in the rubble he assures you that he's alright, but not everyone is so lucky. Later, when you see him again his face is covered in ash and streaked with tears and your emotions reach a critical mass. Something inside you shifts and you find it harder to keep your feelings inside than it is to let them out. The first time you say it you're afraid you'll dissolve into nothing so you hold on to him tight and whisper it in his ear. But then, when you hear your own words you realize that you need to make sure that he knows you mean it so you pull back and look in to his eyes and say it again, "I love you. I love you."
*
You resolve to get him back but it's harder than you'd thought it'd be. He doesn't believe you, well it's not that he doesn't believe you're sincere he just thinks that you're shell shocked. And, maybe you are, but all you know in this moment is you'd do anything, give anything, be anything to let him know just how serious you are.
*
After making a grand gesture and a series of ridiculously, romantic declarations he finally says, "Okay. Let's do it." but you tease him and make him spell it out for you, he thinks you're just being playful but in truth you need him to say it out loud so you’ll know that it's for real. Later, when you enter him, you realize that this is something new. That you're making love. It's not that you haven't touched him like this hundreds of time before. Moving together in slow and gentle rhythms. But the other times it was just for him, he needed to feel safe and to know he wasn't alone. Before, you'd focus on your technique and concentrate solely on pleasuring him. But tonight you allow yourself to hear the thoughts in your mind and feel the emotions that rush through your heart faster than your blood. When you finish, he smiles at you as you wipe the beads of sweat from his brow. And despite the fact that you're on a cold hardwood floor it's the best night's sleep you've ever had.
*
After the initial shock wears off your friends rally around you to help you celebrate. Even Michael, who despite everything, always has been and always will be by your side. They even help orchestrate one last night of debauchery for you but you respectfully decline. You want everyone to know that for love, even you can give up your wicked ways.
*
He makes plans and you see to it that he has everything his heart desires for the big day. No expense is too great to make him happy. Then, while standing in your friend's living room you realize how stupid you've been to think that all this time it was you making the sacrifices. All you're letting go of are things that you'd eventually lose anyway. You're just giving up your past. He's giving up his future.
*
If you call it off he'll think that you don't want him and you won't stand for that. Not after everything you've been through together. So after thinking about the comic book hero that bears your likeness, you summon your powers of mind control and it becomes his idea. Before you know it, you're standing with him in a room full of your friends pretending you're not dying inside.
*
He tells you that you'll see each other all the time but you refuse to let him make any promises. You come off as being glib. It is, after all, one of your signature traits. You hope he knows that when you say "It's only time," you mean that nothing could ever change how you feel about him, what he means to you. Still, you've left the rings on the table because if making a commitment is what he needs to give him the strength he'll need to go then you're more than willing to do it. He surprises you again and suddenly the image of the scared kid standing under a lamp post is erased from your memory and all you can see is this strong, beautiful, brilliant person standing in front of you and you know that you're a better man for having known him.
*
You don't hold anything back this last time together. It's unbridled and fierce and intense but it's nothing like that first night. The night you welcomed him to your world, the night you left your mark on him and spoiled him for any other man who'd have the pleasure of his touch. That night you told him that you'd always be there but tonight you're setting him free.
*
In all the years of living here the loft has never felt so big and empty. As you light a cigarrette you silently thank him for leaving while you were still asleep. You know you couldn't have beared to watch him walk out that door again. Five years run through your head in a flash. The two of you have been to heaven and hell and back again during that time and you're amazed that you've survived it all. Then a feeling washes over you. At first you don't recognize it but when you picture that sunshine smile in your mind you realize its pride. He's the best thing you've ever done in your life and you let yourself take the credit for the man he's become. You are Brian Kinney after all. And although he was the artist, Justin is your masterpiece.
The End.
*
He gives you an idea to help
*
You know it for sure when, for the first time ever, you get rejected by some cocky young stud. Make a game of it, you think, you've always been a winner but the victory is hollow and you feel your youth slipping through your fingers.
*
You don't realize just how serious he is till he brings his bags to the door. You think he'll ask you to tell him to stay but he surprises by just giving you a hug. He's done asking for things that you aren't willing to give. So you let him go because, after all, this has never been about putting locks on your door.
*
This wouldn't have ever happened, you think, if his head hadn't been filled with fairy tales of gardens, and babies, and suburbs, and vows. So, you do what comes naturally. You fuel yourself with Jim Beam and head out to the world of the stepford fags to blame Michael for turning him against you, for infecting him. But Michael tells you what you already know, this is nobody's fault but your own. And now you've lost them both.
*
You're drunk and even a little stoned maybe when you arrive at his exhibition. He looks smug and self-satisfied. You notice how well constructed the walls he's built are and you wish that he hadn't learned that lesson from you. You tell him it shouldn't matter what you think but the fact that he asks makes you wonder, just for a split second, if you still have a chance. This isn't the time though so you decide to test the waters by repairing the bridge you burned with Michael. You find out too quickly that some things are beyond repair; that is, unless, the world is coming to an end. And then it is.
*
You tell the driver to turn the car around and it's the first time since that horrible night in the parking garage that you let yourself talk to God. "Please don't let anything happen to him." You ask, you demand. When you find him in the rubble he assures you that he's alright, but not everyone is so lucky. Later, when you see him again his face is covered in ash and streaked with tears and your emotions reach a critical mass. Something inside you shifts and you find it harder to keep your feelings inside than it is to let them out. The first time you say it you're afraid you'll dissolve into nothing so you hold on to him tight and whisper it in his ear. But then, when you hear your own words you realize that you need to make sure that he knows you mean it so you pull back and look in to his eyes and say it again, "I love you. I love you."
*
You resolve to get him back but it's harder than you'd thought it'd be. He doesn't believe you, well it's not that he doesn't believe you're sincere he just thinks that you're shell shocked. And, maybe you are, but all you know in this moment is you'd do anything, give anything, be anything to let him know just how serious you are.
*
After making a grand gesture and a series of ridiculously, romantic declarations he finally says, "Okay. Let's do it." but you tease him and make him spell it out for you, he thinks you're just being playful but in truth you need him to say it out loud so you’ll know that it's for real. Later, when you enter him, you realize that this is something new. That you're making love. It's not that you haven't touched him like this hundreds of time before. Moving together in slow and gentle rhythms. But the other times it was just for him, he needed to feel safe and to know he wasn't alone. Before, you'd focus on your technique and concentrate solely on pleasuring him. But tonight you allow yourself to hear the thoughts in your mind and feel the emotions that rush through your heart faster than your blood. When you finish, he smiles at you as you wipe the beads of sweat from his brow. And despite the fact that you're on a cold hardwood floor it's the best night's sleep you've ever had.
*
After the initial shock wears off your friends rally around you to help you celebrate. Even Michael, who despite everything, always has been and always will be by your side. They even help orchestrate one last night of debauchery for you but you respectfully decline. You want everyone to know that for love, even you can give up your wicked ways.
*
He makes plans and you see to it that he has everything his heart desires for the big day. No expense is too great to make him happy. Then, while standing in your friend's living room you realize how stupid you've been to think that all this time it was you making the sacrifices. All you're letting go of are things that you'd eventually lose anyway. You're just giving up your past. He's giving up his future.
*
If you call it off he'll think that you don't want him and you won't stand for that. Not after everything you've been through together. So after thinking about the comic book hero that bears your likeness, you summon your powers of mind control and it becomes his idea. Before you know it, you're standing with him in a room full of your friends pretending you're not dying inside.
*
He tells you that you'll see each other all the time but you refuse to let him make any promises. You come off as being glib. It is, after all, one of your signature traits. You hope he knows that when you say "It's only time," you mean that nothing could ever change how you feel about him, what he means to you. Still, you've left the rings on the table because if making a commitment is what he needs to give him the strength he'll need to go then you're more than willing to do it. He surprises you again and suddenly the image of the scared kid standing under a lamp post is erased from your memory and all you can see is this strong, beautiful, brilliant person standing in front of you and you know that you're a better man for having known him.
*
You don't hold anything back this last time together. It's unbridled and fierce and intense but it's nothing like that first night. The night you welcomed him to your world, the night you left your mark on him and spoiled him for any other man who'd have the pleasure of his touch. That night you told him that you'd always be there but tonight you're setting him free.
*
In all the years of living here the loft has never felt so big and empty. As you light a cigarrette you silently thank him for leaving while you were still asleep. You know you couldn't have beared to watch him walk out that door again. Five years run through your head in a flash. The two of you have been to heaven and hell and back again during that time and you're amazed that you've survived it all. Then a feeling washes over you. At first you don't recognize it but when you picture that sunshine smile in your mind you realize its pride. He's the best thing you've ever done in your life and you let yourself take the credit for the man he's become. You are Brian Kinney after all. And although he was the artist, Justin is your masterpiece.
The End.